Over two months since I last wrote. I saw that the last time I wrote, there was still a husband in my home. You cannot begin to imagine how crazy life gets when your other half is pulled away from you. Oh I'm sure there was time for me to write, but I would spend my time with mind-numbing sitcoms to ignore the fact that I was alone.
I gotta say, taking Phillip to the airport that day was the most surreal thing I have ever done in my life. I've seen soldiers in uniform in the airport before. But its different when its your husband standing there with all of his gear and knowing you have a year ahead of yourself with just that, yourself. I kept it together pretty well-all things considered. Most people told me that it actually hits you a few months in. And boy, were they ever right.
Things got super crazy right after Phillip left. Its so hard to deal with these kind of things when no one around you knows what you are going through. But, such is my life. I never experience things like others do. Life likes to go a few steps past what is a "normal" amount of shit in someones life for me and give me extra. Its been like that since I was, oh, three? Guess I'm not surprised any more. Tired-for sure.
But I do have a good little network of girl friends here that have been an absolute God-send. While none of them have experienced exactly what I have-they have been as supportive as they can. My family all asked me to move home-but they don't understand. This is my life now. I cannot run away because its not easy. And the puppies. Well they're a blessing and a burden. We expected them to be over a year old when Phillip first deployed. Not 5 months old. So raising two puppies on top of taking care of an entire house and everything that comes with that all falls on my shoulders. I miss having a husband to help out with little things around the house. Car maintenance, yard maintenance, scorpion invasions, poisonous toads in the yard (which poisoned my puppies) all falls into my lap now. I must confess, its a bit much. And I have my break downs from time to time. I think I will welcome 3-6 month deployments with open arms when they come up. This whole year thing really sucks.
I feel like I'm back in college again. I have become nocturnal once again. I sleep way too much. I have become more with-drawn. My fridge is full of beer. My freezer is full of tv dinners--who wants to go from cooking for 2 to cooking for one. In a nutshell- I have turned into my father. It was a matter of time really. Although I do keep a really clean house so I guess I'm not completely like him--yet. So no fancy meals for me. But I need to start eating healthy again and get more exercise. I know it would help my moods a lot. Just need a little motivation.
Today was the first day of Fall. 103 degrees. Um, what the hell is that about? Fall is my favorite season! The changing leaves, the smells, the holidays, FOOTBALL. I look back and remember my Penn State days. Fall semester was always my favorite. How I loved walking to class in my boots and hoodie and scarf with leaves crunching underfoot--smelling the air. Or how cold it was tailgating but wearing gloves just so I could drink my beer! And the games I would suffer through in the cold just to cheer on my Nittany Lions. Or those late night trips to the libby--stopping first, of course, at Starbucks for a pumpkin spice latte--extra espresso! Or the trips to Wal-mart with my girl friends to play with the Halloween or Christmas stuff! My years at Penn State had its good and bad points, but I would never go back and change it for the world. Well I would never change the Fall semesters. Anyone who has ever lived in State College can attest to how shitty the weather is there in the beginning of Spring semester. But then Spring semester has State Pattys Day and end of the year bar tours and patio drinking. Ahh, I do miss it. Sometimes :)
But yeah, Fall-here? SUCKS. It is non-existent! I love winter too! We all know I'm a snow bunny. And yeah, thats not gonna happen. Sometimes I think I would have rather gotten stationed in Nebraska. It may have been a bit more boring, but it would be more like home. Oh well. Not gonna waste time on the "what if"s in the world.
To combat the fact there is no Fall here, I bought Fall scented candles and some Fall like decorations and make it really cold in my house. I shall trick my body into thinking it is Fall! Its kinda working. Although, doing and planning all these Fall things just reminds me of the fact that this is a another Fall holiday season I have to be without Phillip. Third one in a row to be exact. He just better be here next year so we can dress for Halloween together and I can make him a turkey and we can have our first family Christmas together!
On the plus side, I did get to go see my hubby for about 9 days in the beginning of the month! He had just gotten to Cali and it was coming up on the 4-day weekend. So I bought a ticket on a Tuesday and was on a plane Thursday morning! I'm lucky to have such good friends that they took my house in "shifts" so I didn't have to board the dogs anywhere! Anyways, Phillip's father worked with a lady who had a million dollar vacation house in Tahoe and she offered it to us for the four-day. It was only about a 2.5 hr drive for us. So thats where we spent Thurs-Mon. The house is actually located right outside Nevada's oldest settlement, Genoa which is at the base of the mountains. So we had to drive a half hour to the lake--up the mountains. A change of at least 4,000 feet of elevation! I had driven around Tahoe before, but I'm glad we got to stay there. The house was amazing! I have tons of pics! One day we went kayaking in the lake, another we hiked, another we just walked around town. The day we left we just took it easy and did some sight-seeing and then drove back to the base.
I had never been so thankful to have been stationed at this base than upon my arrival at this one. It is the smallest base I had ever seen in my life. To go anywhere to eat was about a 40 minute drive. The speed limit on base was 50 mph since it was so desolate! And our lodging shared a BATHROOM with another room. Talk about going from a million dollar home to a tiny "hotel" room and sharing a bathroom with another dude. But it was still time together. And luckily no-one there knows what they're doing with my husband so he had most of the days off. I left on a Saturday. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life. Knowing it was the last time I would see my husband for 8-11 months was devastating. Which is why I think I'm having a harder time now that before.
The job market out here is rough too. Today I went out with my friend Danielle to fill out job apps just for any kind of income. Hopefully something in my area of expertise pops up soon. They say a mind is a terrible thing to waste--and with the education this one has, it would be a tragedy to have it go to waste ;). But hopefully I get something temporary to get me out of the house and make some money so I can do some shopping for a little retail therapy ;)
I have recently been addicted to Glee! Will and Grace used to be my feel-good show--still does the trick but watching Glee and seeing Finn and hearing him sing really really makes my days go better. And he's a drummer--I'm beginning to think I have a thing for drummers ;)
I should probably write on this more so I don't have such crazy long and erratic entries. And I know I left out so much! But trying to avoid carpel-tunnel and all that jazz. Maybe next time I can share some pictures or stuff that I forgot because my mind is mush! Until next time, hopefully not 2 months from now...
